Five Feet Under Faire

When You Want Something

You’ll justify it to yourself any way you can. So you might as well just do it. Via E, she’s got some wise words.

But do I really want it? I’ve wanted it too often, sometimes too much, but also not often enough recently to be able to answer that so easily. Too many buts, too much time in between, too much life in the way maybe. How am I kidding though, I probably do want it. I miss the beginning of relationships, the spark that you feel and the jump your heart makes. I miss feeling. I miss how sometimes their eyes just feel so intense you can’t look straight into them, and how when you catch each other’s eyes, you look away as quickly as you can. So yes, I do want something. But, do I really want this “it” to be something or someone? Or both, I want both.

Robert Reich: An Offer to the President

Also This Week/Month

Holly Baby—Frank Ocean (Lonny Breaux Collection)

Woh. How did I not realize the similarities between my 2 top-played this week…till just now…?

$1300 to put my dreams on hold

In hopes of regaining strength and sanity to survive in reality.

INFP

Highly accurate results from Jung personality test. I think it’s more revealing than any attempt I’ve ever made at describing myself, so much so that I debated whether or not to bookface it and decided not to because I felt too exposed.

I wonder if I’m dissatisfied with myself sometimes. I am, clearly. Just not sure how much and how often I feel this way.

Travel and adventure call to me, but I wonder if their beckoning has become an amplified distraction, an excuse, a reason to escape my problems more so than to explore my passions.

I could care less about school. I have placed no emphasis on or motivation toward good grades or GPAs or graduation. Just enveloped by my fierce love and desire to protect my loved ones, my younger cousins, who deserve so much more of my effort than I feel capable to deliver these days, though God knows I’m fighting to find it every day.

I’m going to write more. I need to write more. I feel like a volcano about to erupt sometimes and I need help, but there’s no one who can help. Either that or I can’t get myself to see them as such.

On top of that, I’m incredibly slow to trust, hesitant towards comforting, and reluctant to express myself. I can only do so with a select few, and even then it’s a strain, as I’m stuck worrying about burdening them, getting the right thing across, feeling like it’s pointless because I won’t get a solution from talking about anything. Even on tumblr, there’s always a sense of secrecy, privacy, and anonymity especially that I fear will be dissolved. I should write more to process all this.

After finals.